dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
