His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
