I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
