I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
