C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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