Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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