Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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