She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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