I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
