i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
