I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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