I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
