So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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