i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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