If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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