Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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