im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
