YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
