He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
