i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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