I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
soo... how was my night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
