What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
