Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Terrible idea I love it
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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