I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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