And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
