I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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