he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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