Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
