why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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