In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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