he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
