i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize