dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can't special order awesome
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
