Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
