Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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