Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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