i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
