The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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