I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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