Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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