HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
