What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
