And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
