im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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