I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
