Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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