Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
