I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
