STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
