There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
