i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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