Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
