i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
