Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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