Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
