omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?