i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?