im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.