fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."