Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me