Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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