You made me cry and you don't even care
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
