Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
