my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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