can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
